22 Stoa Parli Resolutions from Cactus Clash

I was honored to write the parli resolutions for the recent Cactus Clash Tournament in Phoenix, AZ. Here are the resolutions round-by-round, with backup resolutions shown at the bottom. Enjoy!

Round 1 (Policy Fact)

This house supports random drug testing of employees.
This house supports globalization.
This house supports fiat currency.

Round 2 (Proverb Abstract Value)

No news is good news.
Better safe than sorry.
It is better to conceal one’s knowledge than to reveal one’s ignorance.

Round 3 (Short Policy)

End teacher tenure.
End Three Strikes laws.
End the War on Terror.

Round 4 (Fact)

The total human population will exceed 15 billion by the year 2218.
The human population on Mars will exceed 5 million by the year 2218.
A nuclear war will occur by the year 2218.

Semifinal (Comparative Value, Policy, Brightline Value)

Cultural diversity ought to be valued over cultural unity.
Political parties should be banned.
Guilt is worth cultivating.

Final (Time/Space Policy)

The year is 1945. You are Mikhail Kalashnikov. You are in the early stages of development for what will become the AK-47. The debaters have time-travelled from the year 2018 to speak with you until the debate round ends. Resolved: Destroy your designs and abandon weapons development for life.

You are 16 years old. The nation of Panem has just subdued a rebellion and is holding its first-ever Hunger Games. You were randomly selected to represent District 11. You will enter the arena tomorrow in a battle royale against twenty- three other children. The Games will continue until there is one living contestant. The debaters are your friends from District 11; they have been allowed to visit you until the debate round ends. Resolved: Refuse to fight.

You have just taken in an opera and exited by the alley. You are carrying a loaded pistol with a concealed carry permit. You see a mugger with his back turned to you. He is holding up the Wayne family at gunpoint. The debaters have travelled to you from an alternate universe, pausing time for the duration of the debate. They know that if you do not intervene, the parents will die and the young Bruce Wayne will grow up to become Batman. Resolved: Intervene to save the Wayne parents.

Backup Resolutions

  • US tax code should be replaced with a single progressive tax.

  • Facebook is better than Twitter.

  • Steve Jobs was the most influential entrepreneur of the last 100 years.

  • The year is 2025. You are a computer scientist; the debaters are your friends and colleagues. You have created a machine with artificial intelligence capable of performing any intellectual task at least as well as a human. Your breakthrough puts you decades ahead of other researchers in this field. The machine must be connected to the internet to turn on. Resolved: Turn on the machine.

Tournament staff: I would love to both help write and republish resolutions for your tournament. Contact me for info.